Incredibly Unmotivated

I am barely halfway through my mid-year exams. I honestly haven't studied much (read: at all) and for some reason, I don't care. Not one bit. Instead, I've been sailing through the afternoons, weekends and holidays with zero regard of the time I've wasted. I don't know what's wrong with me at the moment. I have forgotten to bring my calculator twice already. I have reasons to be afraid, of all the subjects I'm certain to fail, of the consequences once the results are released. But I'm not. For the moment, I could care less.

Instead of thinking about the now, I'm thinking about the future.
And oh, what a very selective future it is.

I've fast-forward to Taylor Swift's concert in June, which my brother and I will be attending. I'm constantly thinking about the symphony orchestra concert in July. And most of all, I keep thinking about what I'm going to do after I finish secondary school (i.e. high school).

Previously, I entertained the thought of going to Singapore to Study. To do the IB diploma in Wen Yi's school (UWCSEA) and then do BA (Hons) Film at LASALLE College of the Arts.
Yup, I've decided that I want to work in the film industry, a field infamous for its high unemployment rates, even among the arts scene.

However, after doing a lot of research, I realised that a film degree doesn't guarantee a job in the film industry. Which is why I've decided to study communications, which can help me find work in the industry, but also give me something to fall back on if it doesn't work out. And maybe doing an MA or MFA in filmmaking, most likely in the US since TischAsia no longer exists. Sigh.

My father is recommending the University of Nottingham for BA (Hons) International Communication Studies with Film and Television Studies because he thinks highly of the university and think I will enjoy studying it. However, I'm more interested in UCSI University's BA (Hons) Mass Communication, because it will allow me to major in Film and Television in the final year and I will definitely be able to make actual short films, unlike the former option.

Mr Lee (my violin teacher) is a lecturer there so maybe he can give me some valuable insight of the environment and the quality there. I don't think a music degree will be good for me, but I definitely want to get my diploma in violin and start learning the piano again, so that I have something else to fall back on. Yup, music is my ultimate back-up plan.

But anyway, I have no idea how I'm going to climb out of this rut I've stuck myself in. Any advice for now and for my future is extremely welcome.

Also, it is very likely that I will end up rewatching Her and Moonrise Kingdom later, instead of studying for whatever subject I'm taking tomorrow. *Sigh*

Here are the things I've done so far instead of studying:

• Blog about not studying.
• Watch TV shows with the pretext of admiring the actual production as a form of studying for the future.
• Play 2048, repeatedly. (Side note: I won.)
• Play the same songs on the piano over and over again.
• Play the same song on the violin over and over again.
• Practise The Moon Song on the ukulele.
• Tidy my desk.
• Begin tidying the rest of my room.
• Research for the future.
• Plan for the concert.
• Tumblr.
• Scroll down Twitter and constantly unfollow and follow users.
• Basically everything except study.